My Uncle Carl was my dad's older sister's husband. Mr. & Mrs. Fetalino lived in Chicago for a good chunk of years with their daughters--Lyn and Ivy. (Supposedly my sister looked like Ivy as a baby, but more recently I look like her. They played flute and clarinet like my sister and me.) A few years ago they retired in Florida. Our families vacationed together every once in a while and they would come out to California to visit. He liked taking pictures and took photos at my debut. I remember picking them up from the airport once way back when I was still with Teo; I think the four of us had dinner and it wasn't awkward. He was a really positive person. He liked fishing. He was so dark that one time at the airport someone thought he was black. It was amazing how in love he and my auntie were.
Uncle Carl had a stroke last December. They were visiting at the time so when it happened, they took him to a hospital out in the Inland Empire. Disease was foreign to me. I mean, sure, I had an asthma attack here and there, but a visit to someone in the hospital was usually to visit someone who worked there or just had a baby... or some stranger we went to sing songs to... not for someone ill. Ate Lyn is a PT. While Uncle Carl was lying in his hospital bed, she advised him on what exercises to do. One of the perks of being in the medical field, I guess.
Last week my parents told me he had another stroke. He was taken to a nursing home. They started talking about how Ate Ivy said that if it came down to it, they'd rather that God take him than to see him as a vegetable. I thought that was so out of the blue.
My sister BBM-ed me today giving me the news.
"Did you hear from mom?"
"About?"
"Uncle Carl died today"
This is the first time I've lost a family member that I actually knew. I've been lucky, I guess. My dad's parents died before I was born or before I could remember. My mom's parents are still alive--thank God! My first sister also died before both my sister and I were born. I've been to funerals and cried, but I never really knew them...
I don't know what to take from this. I was planning to go out to DTF or Heat Ultra Lounge tonight but I decided to stay home instead. It poses the question... do I spend time with family or go live my life? Family is important but if you're not living your life, what are you doing? At dinner tonight, my parents and auntie were talking about work and prices of fruit at the grocery store. I don't want that to be what my family talks about at dinner time. I want my kids to have stories to tell and memories to relive.
Do I go out and look for that LA apartment? Or do I stay at home and make the most of my time with my family?
Uncle Carl was older than my dad, but his death just reinforces how old my parents are getting. It sucks to get old. You start hurting everywhere, losing your memory, not being able to do things for yourself. I love that my lolo and lola are still alive and living together. It's cute to see two people grow old together. It sucks for my Auntie Sally cuz she did everything with my uncle. They traveled the world together, pretty much. Now? ::sigh:: My cousins aren't married yet, either. No marriage --> no children --> no grandkids for Auntie Sally. Uncle Carl didn't get to walk either of his daughters down the aisle.
I don't want that to happen to us.
I'm not saying that I'm gonna get married as fast as I can. It's just a scary thought... No father to give you away. No grandparents to take care of your kids... I grew up far from perfect, but I had a pretty good set up as a kid. Both parents at home. Cousins, aunties, uncles, and grandparents no more than 10 minutes away.
Death. Sometimes it's natural, sometimes it's wreckless. It makes me want to stop the ignorant killings around the world. STOP THE KILLINGS.
Again "Man in the Mirror" comes to mind. What the hell am I doing with my life to make a change?Gah. The world is so fcked up.
