epiphany

so here's a revelation that's not too much of a shocker: i don't know how to be single.

boys and gentlemen

This past weekend, I was exposed to many types of guys.

There are some guys who will buy you a rose after a few minutes of conversation. There are other guys who just wanna get you drunk and grind on you on the dance floor. There are still others who make you laugh so hard it hurts and aren't after anything at all.

The search just got more challenging/interesting.

Strangers, acquaintances, long time friends... There are so many opportunities for relationships to develop.

Kat R. posted a note on FB about what she wants in a guy which made me wanna write one out, too. Here goes...

I WANT YOU
someone who can make me laugh so hard that my cheeks hurt
someone who doesn't say they're ambitious but shows it
someone who goes after what he wants, but still has consideration for others
someone who inspires me
someone who believes in me
someone who can stand the rain
someone who will karaoke with me or belt out songs in the car
someone who won't run out of creative ways to make me say, "aww! that's so sweet!"
someone who i can trust
someone who isn't afraid to put himself out there
someone who overcame his struggles and can speak to me about them instead of repressing them/exposing them only during drunken times
someone who is willing to take care of me
someone who isn't too proud to let me help him out
someone who still opens the door for me but realizes i can do it myself
someone who can talk to my lolo and lola
someone who can teach me, learn from me, and share in new experiences
someone who takes care of his body and respects mine
someone who talks to me about the little parts of his day as well as his big dreams
someone who can listen to me rant
someone who has an open mind
someone who can forgive
someone who doesn't give up and will stick by me til we're grey
someone who acknowledges the past, appreciates the present, and strives for a better future

Of course, some nice to haves would include: older, fit/toned, cute and sexy, musician, local, can give good massages, intelligent, wants to change the world, etc. hahahah.

some thoughts

Realizing something has served its purpose is not the same as "failing."

Ambition is sexy.

I'm determined to change the world somehow...

I wanna put myself in an environment that'll be conducive to my goals.

Sexism and other narrowmindedness is a major turn off.

Live life. Love life.

prince charming?

Maybe I've been listening to too much Taylor Swift or frequenting Disneyland too often, but I've been in princess mode recently.

It's weird. Usually as you grow older, you lose the romanticism and fanciful images of a prince charming and getting swept off your feet when you get hit with the reality that the guys who say that they'll treat you like a princess just end up breaking your heart.

...or is that just me?

I've gone through different outlooks on relationships in the years I've been in them: naive/mushy, cold-never-say-i-love-you, just-for-fun. For some reason, right now I'm still hoping that there is a "prince charming" out there. I'm not saying I'm looking for him at the moment, but I'd like to believe that some day I might actually find him.

love life

Instead of cleaning my room--which I desperately need to do since I've moved back home--I've been looking through tagged photos of me on Facebook.

• Thanks to everyone who actually posted their pictures and tagged me! [I have yet to return the favor, I know.]
• A vast majority of them are of me partying. [Why do people only have cameras then?]
• It's made me realize what a great year it's been. exnay--what a great few years it's been.

Be sure to love life. Take it all in. Enjoy what you're doing. Spend your time with people who make you feel great. Make sure you take care of your business, but don't forget to have fun.

I love my friends. I love my family. I love my life. :D

feeling

exhausted. [relay for life, not much sleep, traffic/commute]
awkward. [haven't been in this situation in yeeeears.]
sad. [not depressed, yet sad that it's over.]
indignant. [never appreciated not getting the whole truth.]
anxious. [not sure what this situation will bring.]
robbed. [i really wanted that condo!]
healthy. [adding mucho fruits & veggies back into the diet.]
suspicious. [gut feelings in the past proved true... eventually.]
obsessive. [keep checking the phone; not sure what i'm looking to find.]
hopeful. [planning to make the most of this situation.]

trust

Even for those with trust issues, we still put at least a little bit of trust in each other. Maybe we don't trust people completely, but to some extent we expect people to not fuck us over by passing along certain conversations or breaking our hearts.

Any time you spend time with someone, you dish out some trust. Somehow... it just falls away.

"Mix the chemicals right, dear. Mix the chemicals right."

If we aren't careful about what we do or say, things just blow up. I've been saying to myself ever since I heard this song back in high school that I need to be more careful about how I conduct myself around people. Being stubborn, oblivious me, I continue to not think situations through or to not follow my brain.

Whenever you enter into a relationship, you put yourself out there. You risk getting burned each time you make a connection with someone.

This isn't novel information. This isn't eloquently written. This might not even help. But it's killing time until the sunrises and it's time for another day.

Today really sucked.

In not being careful, today I:

• got a ticket for a rolling stop.
• said a little too much and added fuel to the fire.
• let myself get hurt by someone I cared a lot about.
  

Karma's a bitch. What goes around comes around. An eye for an eye. Whatever. Shit just happens.

I need to surround myself with positive people. I love being around people who have a positive outlook on life. I love laughing. I love singing my heart out. I love sunshine. Fuck this June gloom.

In toastmasters last week a guy gave a speech about change. He recently got out of a long term relationship, moved back into his parents' house, and either lost or left his job somehow. I'm almost there. I need a change of pace.

I gotta get out of here.........

I want to make an impact on the world. Wtf am I doing now?

----------------
Now playing: Thrice - Trust
via FoxyTunes

btw

sad to see my resolutions for 09 are still the same as 08.

do we not progress?!

::calling Growth::
me: where you at?!

next time, don't invite truth to the party

truth serum
drama starter
life is hard
but liquor's harder

good times are had
until it hits
words fighting teeth
like a safety blitz

bombs exploding
wouldn't happen
if all was out
in the open

without secrets
on our backs
no need to fear
words' attacks

no need to fear
the truth be told
when liquid courage
made them bold

if we chilled
with honesty
chilling with friends
would just be

a night of laughter
night of cheer
night of jack,
coke, and beer

I almost forgot I had this blog!

So with the new year approaching in about 9 hours, something got me to take a look at my previous blogs to do some retroactive reflections.

2007 was definitely a crazy year. I probably did some of the STUPIDEST things I've ever done in my life but I (hopefully) also learned some of the most poignant lessons. I've also been blessed with some awesome opportunities: PwC, Barkada presidency, to name a couple.

With the exception of Uncle Carl's mild stroke last week, the family's been pretty healthy. Yeah, an accident here or there, but no one really got hurt. Thank God!

People-wise... There are definitely some great new people in my life that I could learn a lot from and make a lot of memories with. Other friends have been distanced and definitely some I thought I'd be able to depend on... well, let's just say I don't anymore. It was great to catch up w/ some old friends, though (Gift Exchange 2007 & Random Glendale Party)! I still need to spend some quality time w/ other strangers.

Evaluating how well I did on the two things I mentioned last year...

• "Be more aware of myself, my surroundings, others, and hopefully, others wants/needs." Wow. I definitely lost sight of that goal. I have done a slightly better job this year than previously, though. I still tend to wander through life once in a while, not quite sure of what's going on or what has been said. I do try to be more conscious of others'; I just haven't done much about it... or at least as much as I probably could have.
  
• "Do what I say." Yes and no.
• The other night even though it was a b*tch to get there, I went to bMod's performance @ Avalon. I ended up getting there after the guest list had closed so
  it ended up being $20 instead of $10. Yikes! Parking there is also a bastard, so I had to shell out $25 for parking... all by my lonesome cuz I couldn't find someone to go w/ me. All cuz I said I'd be there. I ended up having fun, though, and my presence was appreciated so... all smiles afterward! (=
  
• There's quite a lot that I had planned to do, though, that still hasn't been done (i.e. lose weight!) so this will probably stick around for next year's list.

Speaking of which... I haven't really made my list of resolutions yet so I guess I'll be doing that now.

• Do what I say.
• Integrity!
• Stick to goals.
  
• Be more aware of others/my surroundings and act on that knowledge.
• from watching what I say to watching the road...
  
• Enjoy life.
• Have a positive/optimistic attitude.
• Make the most of each moment... don't just wait for it to be over.
• Have fun!!! <-- believe it or not, this is really hard for me to do. hahah.
  
• Spend quality time with the important people in my life.
• Pat
• Family (cousins, immediate family, lola & lolo, etc)
• High school friends
• Barkada members
• Cute-E-board
  
• Take care of myself...
• physically: exercise, diet, sleeping habits, posture, etc.
• financially: working more, saving more, not splurging, investing?
• emotionally: confide in others and probably blog more.
• mentally: READ! challenge myself
  

Hahah! I just realized my resolutions thus far spell... D-BEST! 2008 will be D-BEST year ever! lol. It actually might be:

• turning 21
• graduating
• working!!!

And of course I'll have bajillion Barkada events to plan & experience, time spent w/ Pat, the family, and friends.

Sweet. Can't wait for oh-eight!